Remembrances of Lawrence

Lawrence Donald Hare, 1948-2013

Lawrence's memorial service was held at Pumphrey's Funeral Home on April 22nd. His family and friends were welcomed by Ronald Blanck, followed by a reading by Daniel Messing, Eulogy by Paul Derby, and Remembrances from Seth Messing, Allan Janus, and Lawrence's father and sisters. Jenny Messing read a psalm, and Ronald closed the ceremony. The video of the memorial is available here.

Daniel Messing: Let Us Now Praise Famous Men

Let us now praise famous men, and our fathers that begat us.
The Lord hath wrought great glory by them through his great power from the beginning.
Such as did bear rule in their kingdoms, men renowned for their power, giving counsel by their understanding, and declaring prophecies:
Leaders of the people by their counsels, and by their knowledge of learning meet for the people, wise and eloquent are their instructions:
Such as found out musical tunes, and recited verses in writing:
Rich men furnished with ability, living peaceably in their habitations:
All these were honoured in their generations, and were the glory of their times.
There be of them, that have left a name behind them, that their praises might be reported.
And some there be, which have no memorial; who are perished, as though they had never been; and are become as though they had never been born; and their children after them.
But these were merciful men, whose righteousness hath not been forgotten.
With their seed shall continually remain a good inheritance, and their children are within the covenant.
Their seed standeth fast, and their children for their sakes.
Their seed shall remain for ever, and their glory shall not be blotted out.
Their bodies are buried in peace; but their name liveth for evermore.
The people will tell of their wisdom, and the congregation will shew forth their praise.

Paul Derby's Eulogy

It is a pleasure to be here to celebrate the life of what, indeed, is a famous man for those of us that are here.I would like to start with a very brief 3 sentence quote that ties to some of the pictures you have seen of the early computers that brought Lawrence and I together 39 years ago. The quote is from Thomas Watson who was the CEO of IBM and what he said was: "Last week Control Data announced the 6600 system. I understand that in the laboratory developing the system there are only 34 people including the janitor. Of these, 14 are engineers and 4 are programmers. Contrasting this modest effort with our vast development activities, I fail to understand why we have lost our industry leadership position by letting someone else offer the world's most powerful computer." It was this powerful computer that brought Lawrence Hare and I together 39 years ago.

Lawrence was in Italy at the time designing suspension systems for Alfa Romeo and I was still in graduate school. We both encountered these computer systems that completely fascinated the two of us. Lawrence and Donata, his Italian wife, moved all the way from Milan to Sunnyvale CA. I was in graduate school at Colorado State University and I, too, moved to Sunnyvale CA--to work with these marvelous machines. The group at Control Data grew from 34 to around 80 so there were just a handful of us that absolutely loved working at CDC and we grew to be quite close friends.

When you only have 3 or 4 of these machines and you have a hundred people sharing the machines you learn to work around the clock. You learn to wait as other people finish what they are doing and to discover each other as human beings as this work goes on.

That is what drew us together and our friendship spanned 39 years over which we worked together at 3 different companies for 22 of the 39 years. We started at CDC and then worked the last 5 years at The Tauri Group together with many of you attending this memorial service.

Lawrence was interested in all sorts of things besides computers. We became friends by mutually solving problems and hanging out together at work because of mutual interests. Obviously he had an intense interest in computers. This was the emergence of Silicon Valley at the time. The company we worked for was the very first in Silicon Valley which grew up around our building. Onion fields surrounded the building and there were roadrunners and burrowing owls that we walked past to go into the building to work with these marvelous machines.

Lawrence was multi-faceted as I discovered as we got to know each other over time: while studying in London he played the piano to make money at a bar and enjoyed it, I am sure. He was interested in stereo systems, and then music libraries. He moved his music to servers, he adopted the internet at the beginning and streamed music from the internet - Rhapsody in particular. His home theater was his passion. All of this he shared with his friends and his family. He used the internet every day to talk to his father who is still with us at age 95. He lived and embraced technology, but he did this to better connect with his friends and relatives, the main purpose that pushed him in his life. He used his home computing networks to make telephone connections to his father and family in the UK.

Lawrence loved things that were on the edge of technology. He loved things that showed deep craftsmanship and quality. His clocks and watches reflected this. His pens he used to write showed his literary interests . He had a deep understanding of precision devices. His office and home had many clocks and he wore and admired workmanship in his mechanical watches.

Lawrence loved cars, especially the Mercedes Benz. Model airplanes and helicopters which he not only flew but also built and painted.

He loved his Moulton Bicycle and he rode it from Bethesda to Old Town Alexandria where he parked it in his office and did battle with the building management, which provided many humorous "cat and mouse" stories. with Lawrence sneaking his Moulton into his office--not trusting the parking garage. Riding his bike kept him going physically as he fought his battles.

Books were Lawrence's passion. His favorite authors were those such as Robin Hobb, George RR Martin, Larry Niven, all the British classics authors and especially Patrick O'Brian. His love of Patrick O'Brian led to meeting his wife, Hope, through the internet and it wasn't like "match.com" where most people meet, but through people that loved the words written by Patrick O'Brien. The discussion group wrote more about what Patrick O'Brien wrote, I think, than Patrick O'Brien wrote himself. Through this literary discussion group Lawrence found Hope. They admired each other's writings and fell in love and finally met in person in 1999 when Lawrence came to this area, the same year that I moved here.

There were great things about Lawrence.

From day one it was always a treat to talk to Lawrence. You never knew what to expect but it was always fun and enlightening. We spent many hours talking at work, talking over the phone when we weren't working together. We conversed over dinner where he loved to prepare puddings and curries and other British influenced delicacies and none of the cooking he attributed to himself but to the recipes of "aunt Bertie"!

For more than 2 years we rode together from work to Crystal City, I to the metro and he to the health club to work out. We shared and cherished this time to talk about all the things close friends discuss.

While some others objectify people, Lawrence was the opposite. He loved and accepted people for what they are. He didn't objectify but personified all that was important to him including his cats. The first of his cats I met were Henry and Oliver brought all the way from Italy. When Arabella was born and they moved into a new house I inherited Henry and Oliver.

He also personified his computers and the computer programs he dealt with. He called his work computer "Ethelred" after the 10 year old English King that couldn't figure out what to do when he was wrongly advised-- behaving the same as early computers. He called the server that took care of everything "Ganesh" after the Hindu god that removes all obstacles.

I, along with you, will remember Lawrence for his love of others, the twinkle in his eye, his wonderful constant and deep sense of humor, his ability to make you smile. To solve extremely difficult problems with a passion and style that made problem solving fun.

Lawrence is no longer physically with us, but he lives on in our memories, his example for the way we treat others, his model of how to approach problem solving combining both humor and passion are traits that we can all admire and follow.

It is these qualities provided by Lawrence that we take forward with us. Losing the husband, father, dear friend and colleague is the physical side. The memories and the way that Lawrence serves as a model for all of us is the future and I cherish these memories along with you.

Remembrance From Seth

I’m here to share some thoughts about Lawrence and what he has meant to me.

First, how Hope and Lawrence met. What a clear indication of the power of literature: they came together through their mutual admiration of Patrick O’Brian and participation in a mail group. I’m guessing here, but imagine that they started enjoying and looking forward to the comments each had posted and at some point, went off-road, creating a personal connection-sharing their difficulties, and beginning to understand their similarities. Because at some point, this became not just about a shared love of O’Brian novels but also a recognition that both were in various stages of winding down long-standing relationships, leaving them increasingly lonely and bereft of companionship.

Many thanks to the Internet for providing the means and the mechanisms that allowed Hope and Lawrence to first recognize a connection, then nourish and extend that connection before they even met. And then, they did meet-and that’s when Lawrence came into our lives-Jenny and I had dinner with Hope and Lawrence in October 1999. So, here was this Englishman from southern California-and my sister was in love with him.

At some point, Lawrence moved east and they got married, and Lawrence and Arabella became part of our family. We had family get-togethers, birthdays, holidays, many wonderful meals. We also shared vacations, at the Delaware beach for many years, in Maine more recently. Lawrence fit into the family so easily.

On our beach vacations, Lawrence always brought a collection of kites and in later years, remote control helicopters. We had so many fine, lovely days at the beach, with a kite way up in the sky, the line tied to one of our chairs. Lawrence had a device that attached to the kite line -it would ride up the line to the kite then snap its wings shut, drop a payload and zoom back down the line. We experimented with various items for it to drop, including small paper airplanes, bits of seaweed. On at least one occasion, Lawrence’s kite came down on the roof of one of the beach houses and he had to go retrieve it. The beach was too breezy for helicopters so Lawrence launched these from the street in front of our house. These flights sometimes ended abruptly, and were followed by Lawrence opening up his tool kit and engaging in a complex repair. Of course, he could fix anything.

The beach also provided a venue for Lawrence’s cooking and it was there that we were introduced to his cioppino recipe, now an annual fixture at our own Christmas Eve dinner. Lawrence’s dinners featured a lot of chopping, a lot of vegetable flying around and heavenly smells. Terrific currys. A lot of wine. Many cigars on the deck. The week would fly by until, regretfully, we’d pack up and leave.

Lawrence was there when we got the call from Daniel that Dad had hurt himself in a fall-the beginning of the long end game for my father. Lawrence was wonderful with Dad, driving to upstate New York to bring him back to Maryland, visiting him in the nursing home, bringing him back to the house, which meant hauling him in his wheelchair up the front steps-a great support for Hope. He went to San Diego with us for the wedding of my sister Faith’s daughter Becky. We’ve shared every Thanksgiving with Hope and Lawrence, save one year they spent in England. And yes, fair warning to our kids - we will continue to have Christmas Pudding (and hard sauce) in his honor every year.

In recent years, Lawrence has had so much to put up with. Yet despite his stress over traveling, he went to England every year. Family was very important to him. In fact, the one concern he expressed to me was that he felt badly about the possibility of leaving Hope a widow.

Lawrence so much enjoyed being with people, talking, joking, telling stories. No wonder we all grew so fond of him. I find it very hard to understand, to accept that he’s gone. And yet I am so grateful that he and Hope, after perhaps thinking that happiness was beyond their grasp, found it together. They’ve been such good companions, completely simpatico. Lawrence made my dear sister Hope so happy-I love him and will miss him so much.

Remembrance From Allan

Lawrence and I met-electronically-in 1995, in an email discussion list on the novels of Patrick O’Brian. It’s also where Lawrence met Hope, and where I met Hope. Hope and Lawrence’s love was kindled over emails, and I gained two great friends.

I like to think that I helped bring them together when I published Patrick O’Brian-related poems that they wrote in a slim volume of Patrick O’Brian-related poetry.

But when Lawrence moved east to be with Hope, and we became friends in the flesh, we discovered many other points of interest we agreed on: aviation-Lawrence had been in the Royal Air Force and had learned to fly on the de Havilland Chipmunk trainer. I, working at an aviation museum, could identify a Chipmunk trainer in a photograph. Lawrence loved flying radio-controlled model aircraft-I enjoyed watching him fly them. Lawrence was a fine chef who loved to cook-I loved to eat whatever he prepared. But he had one interest I couldn’t join him in-he loved Bombay duck, which isn’t actually duck but a variety of dried stinky Indian fish made into curry, long banned by the European Union and unavailable over here. Arabella told me yesterday about vacations in England made tedious by search expeditions for Bombay duck. Finally, thanks to the internet, Lawrence scored some Bombay duck at last, and triumphantly told me so in an email; sadly, though, I had a prior engagement and couldn’t come to dinner that night.

Lawrence loved cats, as I do, and cats loved Lawrence, and would allow him to perform all sorts of undignified tricks with them-like the cat bagpipes, which involved holding a cat under his arms like a set of highland great pipes, putting a paw in his mouth, and then make unearthly pipes-like noises, usually accompanied by the cat’s howls. One evening during a cat recital involving, I think, the late great Oscar,, a guest actually threatened to beat Lawrence up if he continued on the cat-pipes-and Lawrence very wisely desisted, since she was rather bigger than he was. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t go to Lawrence’s aid, since I was hiding behind the sofa.

Lawrence also enjoyed brandy and cigars and good English beer, and I enjoyed enjoying them with him. Lawrence loved to show off his latest electronic kit-I remember when he showed off his new video sound system by playing a battle scene from Master and Commander-the cannon blasts deafened me for days.

What I’ll remember most are the dinners he and Hope gave Rebecca and me, usually with a mountain of curry or a magnificent pie served up, good wine, and lots of excellent talk. And, best off all were the holiday parties, when Arabella, Joy, Beatrice, Aaron and Jacob would fly in from all over the globe, family and friends would gather and there would be good cheer, good fellowship, good talk, good food and drink, and good cats. Lawrence was in his element as if he had been listed from the pages of the Pickwick Papers; and that’s the way I’ll remember him best-radiating good cheer, with a cat under his arm.

Remembrance from Lawrence's daughter, Arabella

Some of my favorite memories~

At a young age my father would often embarrass me. He would drive me to and from school blasting Primus, Alice and chains or Metallica. He would show up to most of my events such as dance recitals and graduations, wearing either a Rolling Stone t-shirt, Guns & Roses or Madonna, often with a blue suede jacket over it. And though at the time, I didn’t appreciate it, from the age of 5 to about 16, he would take me to a concert almost monthly! I remember David Bowie, ACDC, Billy Idol, Dépêche Mode, the Who-to only name a few. They were so much fun! And so now that I am older and wiser, I now think of him as the coolest dad in the world! Not too many fathers would drive their kids to and from clubs and to the Rocky Horror Picture Show to make sure they were safe. And not too many would buy their kids booze when they were only a bit too young to legally buy it, as long as they drank it under their supervision! My friends thought he was the coolest! He so was!!!

And what didn’t embarrass me that perhaps should have instead, was when he would wear the shortest shorts with socks up to his knees and take me to jazzercise! In fact I loved it! He was always the best at it! I loved taking step aerobics with him! And then the love he had for food- though some of the things he loved were a bit odd-Bombay duck, marmite, steak and kidney pie, Christmas pudding to only name a few- and how good he was at preparing it all! No other person who cooked vegan could have caused me to have gained weight! And so, it is thanks to him that I like to wear short shorts with my socks up to my knees (though I have been banned at the gym to do so), and because of him that I fell in love with nutrition and exercise and now use them both for a living. I use to sell the most vitamins just because the members liked how I would pronounce them vit-amins.

And though the others may have already touched on some of these, his love for Mercedes and bicycles, smoking cigars, blonde hair (which I shall have back soon), red nails, flying kites, writing with fancy fountain pens, making clocks and airplanes, along with his amazing skills with the piano and the yoyo, are only a few of the things that I will miss hearing about and watching him do. He was always so silly, so funny and always so young at heart! And so dad, not only do I think of you as being the coolest and the most amazing dad in the world, but also as the sweetest, kindest, funniest and most considerate man in the world!!! Its no wonder that I am still single, because I am still trying to find someone just like you! I miss you and love you more then you’ll ever know! And I am forever grateful for the wonderful person you have molded me to become! Thank you! I love you and can’t say that I’ll miss you enough!

Remembrance From Neil Hare, Lawrence's Father

My over abiding memory of Lawrence is of his loyalty and love and affection to me and his mother, whom he greatly missed, as I do.

During his growing up years, we had so much fun together as he had inherited my passion for making things, first of all model aeroplanes, and I can remember him chasing over the Downs trying to catch up with a petrol driven model aeroplane he had made as it disappeared into the distance. In later years this passion turned to making clocks because he had grown up in a house full of hand-made clocks.

I am, however, without doubt most grateful for his loyalty to me and his mother, once he had moved, first to Italy and then to America. He never failed to telephone every day in order to keep in touch. In later years this became a call made after his lunch which was 7.30 p.m. in the evening our time and even now at half seven, I look at the clock and wonder if he is going to ring, although I know he can’t.

I am so very grateful that he was able to meet Hope whom he adored and was able to give him the love and affection that made his life complete.

I don’t think a time will ever come when I shall not look at the clock at half seven and still hope to hear from him.

Hazel's Remembrances of her Brother

Did Lawrence ever mention his boyhood passion for making glider aeroplanes? Dad started buying Lawrence these flimsy plane kits, consisting of the skeleton plane made of bits of thin balsa wood, tissue for the aeroplane wings, glue and a couple of elastic bands to attach to the propeller; later Lawrence would save up his pocket money to buy the kits himself. Oh the hours of assembling the crafts and the careful cutting out of the tissue paper squares to glue onto the assembled wings - and then bedtime would come round all too quickly. The whole family were issued with dire warnings of NOT TO GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE TABLE WHERE MY AEOPLANE IS. Next morning he would rush down stairs to make sure nothing had been disturbed and then it was the endless coats of varnish lovingly applied to the wings. Once assembled the trusty planes would wait patiently up in Lawrence's bedroom until it could be taken out for their maiden flights, which usually happened up on the Sussex Downs, on the south coast of England. Sometimes a flight was an absolute success with Lawrence racing down to grassy slopes, on his skinny legs to retrieve his plane, other times the plane would plummet and crash. Once Dad reversed his car out of the garage in preparation for a family picnic not realizing Lawrence had rested a brand new glider on top of the car roof. Of course the plane slid off and Dad ran over it!

Lawrence was a gentle, fun loving brother; he had a good sense of humour and would delight in creeping into the dining room to tell me ghost stories when I was doing my homework, so I would spend ages afterwards of checking under the bed and in the wardrobe before I went to sleep! It was always exciting for me when the school holidays came round to have my big brother come home. We very rarely argued and there was always a special atmosphere at home when he was around.

Jenny's Remembrances of her Brother

One of my early memories of Lawrence is of when I was about six years old. Lawrence being 13 years older than me, used to nickname me ‘Titch’. He used to tease his little sister rotten, as big brothers do, and would turn me upside down by my heels and swing me around until I screamed. Of course, the more I screamed, the more he swung me round!

Lawrence had his Mum’s sense of humour and if you look at any photos of Lawrence pulling faces, they are exactly like the ones we have of our Mum.

Lawrence loved to enjoy life and loved his traditional English food so we will be really sorry not to see him enjoy his pork pie and sticky toffee pudding as he would do on his yearly visits to England.

Just looking forward to enjoying a banquet with him when the rest of us can join him and my Mum in heaven.

A Psalm for the Dying, from Jenny Messing

My last breath does not say "goodbye",
for my love for you is truly timeless, beyond the touch of death.
I leave myself to your memory, with love.
I leave my thoughts, my laughter, my dreams to you
whom I have treasured beyond gold and precious gems.
I give you what no thief can steal, the memories of our times together:
the tender, love-filled moments,
the successes we have shared,
the hard times that brought us closer together
and the roads we have walked side by side.

I also leave you the promise that
I will still be present, whenever you call on me.
My energy will be drawn to you by the magnet of our love.
I will come to you, with my arms full of wisdom and light.

And all I take with me as I leave is your love
and the millions of memories of all we have shared.
Fear not nor grieve at my departure,
you whom I have loved so much,
for my roots and yours are forever intertwined.